Assuring clients that there’s no such thing as oversharing in therapy

“To be clear, you cannot overshare with your therapist,” says Amy Marschall, Psy.D. ”If there is a topic that the therapist wants to explore later, or they are worried you could become triggered before they help you develop the skills to navigate that, they will guide and redirect as appropriate.”

ADHD and the fear of oversharing

The fear of oversharing can feel especially intense for people with ADHD. Some may blurt out thoughts unintentionally. Others may be self-conscious of talking about themselves or their interests. “ADHD sometimes makes it harder to tell if other people are interested in what you’re saying,” says Kara Nassour, LPC, NCC.

Even once they realize that it’s normal, and even expected, to divulge personal details during therapy, they may still express regret about sharing too much.

“In my work with ADHD clients, it is incredibly common for them to apologize for how much they talk, for what they share and for expressing emotions, specifically when they cry,” says Candin Phillips, LPCS. “Many grew up hearing over and over again that they talk too much, that they share intimate information too soon or that their emotions are too much. So they feel ashamed when they do those things in therapy.”

Why they might regret sharing

There are many reasons a client may second-guess opening up to a therapist. Maybe they shared something uncomfortable. Maybe they admitted something for the first time. Maybe they’re used to masking ADHD symptoms and surprised themself when they let that mask down.

Fortunately for them, a therapist is the last person they should worry about judging them. There are few places where the term “judgment-free zone” is more applicable than therapy. 

“When clients apologize for crying or becoming upset, I tell them, ‘If you can’t cry in your appointment with a psychologist, when can you?’ This usually provides a little bit of levity while normalizing their emotional response,” says Marschall.

When they think they’ve overshared

If a client expresses instant regret over something they’ve shared in a session, it’s important to be receptive to their hesitance and allow them the space to revisit what they shared and why they regret sharing it. Explaining why something felt uncomfortable may make them feel better and help you navigate future conversations. If they bring it up in a later session, validate their experience and reassure them that they’re in control of what they choose to share. 

“I’m grateful when clients tell me they feel uneasy,” Phillips says. “It helps me understand how hard honest expression is for them outside of therapy.” 

Good therapists will help clients explore these feelings, not judge them for having them. As you well know, it’s from these vulnerable discussions that opportunity for growth and real progress happens.

Helping them find the right balance

There’s no perfect ratio when it comes to how much a client should share, however, the more insight you have into what they are thinking and feeling, the better equipped you’ll be to support them. 

It’s helpful to remind clients that while it can feel unnatural to open up, as a therapist, you want to hear what they have to say. In fact, it’s one of the most important parts of the job.

“A lot of my work with ADHD clients is helping them take down their defenses,” says therapist Franki Bagdade, LMSW. “They’ve been on the receiving end of negative feedback for so long. I help them see their strengths and understand their struggles.”

Invite those hesitant clients to check in during sharing — an occasional “Is this too much?” from them, and your reassurance that it isn’t, can go a long way in building their confidence. If something is “too much” or too sensitive, work to slow things down without shutting them down.

Slow and steady

When a client feels uncomfortable after opening up, take the time to explore why while communicating to them that they didn’t do anything wrong. These moments of discomfort can be part of the process.

“If a client feels unsafe or judged, that’s on the therapist,” says Cynthia Edwards-Hawver, Psy.D. “It’s our job to make clients feel seen, heard, and validated.”

And for clients who are still building trust, let them know that sharing doesn’t have to happen all at once. Progress happens at their pace.

“I help my ADHD clients accept that they’re allowed to have big emotions and speak freely,” says Phillips. “When they do, I have a better chance of supporting them — and that opens the door to real progress.”